My husband and I were asked to speak on family relations, strengthening the family, and teaching the
gospel to our family a couple of months ago, and I wanted to share my talk with you.
These topics are especially
important to me. Let me explain why. I
am the second of nine children, and we all grew up in a family active in the
church. However, despite the impression everyone in the ward I grew up in had about my family being absolutely perfect, my parents divorce was finalized February 2011. I have seen glimpses of the wonderful blessings that come from being
obedient to the doctrine of the family, but I have seen much more of the
horrible nightmares that come when you fall astray from them.
I know without a doubt that the
family is absolutely sacred and essential to the gospel. It is no surprise to
me that Satan is constantly redoubling his efforts on his attacks towards the
family during this dispensation when our strongest spirits are coming forth,
having been saved for these last days. Sister Julie B. Beck has said, “This
generation will be called upon to defend the doctrine of the family as never
before in the history of the world. If they don't know it, they can't defend
it.” If we wish to be able to withstand the attacks of the adversary on our
family units, we must know what it is that we are defending, how we can best
strengthen our families against these attacks, and how we can teach this
doctrine to our children so that they can also defend it.
So what are we defending? A family
is built up of individual people, and our relationships with each of them are
entirely unique. Before we can strengthen the whole, we must strive to be
strengthening our family relations individually.
In our “Building an Eternal
Marriage” Institute class, we were taught that, in the order of things, we
should first take care of our own spiritual health and well-being. We cannot
fully take care of our other responsibilities if we ourselves are deprived of that
important relationship with our Father in Heaven. Second is our spouses; not
the children yet. Note how in the temple, the parents are sealed first and then
the children are brought in and are sealed to their parents. The marriage
relationship comes first. Third, then, come our children, and fourth our
profession.
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| First : Our Relationship Between Yourself & God |
This means that the first
relationship we should be focusing on strengthening is the one between
ourselves and God. This relationship blesses us in so many ways. As the Spirit
is present in our lives, we are blessed with a more cheerful disposition, more
energy and strength to bear the stresses and worries in life, and we are more
in tune with the promptings of God that will help us dictate our relationship
with others.
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| Second : Our Relationship With Our Spouse |
The second relationship we need to
focus on is the one we have with our spouses. It was always difficult for me
watching my parents fight growing up. Sometimes it was over finances, other
times it was over miscommunications, and other times it was over pretty much
nothing at all.
President Thomas S. Monson has advised us to “never let a
problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” I
desperately wish that my own parents had heeded that council, for that slip up
in priorities was a large factor in their divorce, although there were
definitely many others.
Our spouses are to be cherished.
Brethren, your wives are daughters of God, and deserve your love and respect. It
always bothered me when my father would make snide remarks about my mother,
devaluing her as a daughter of God and mocking her beautiful gift of motherhood.
Sisters, support and encourage and love your husbands. They need to feel
appreciated, accepted, loved, and not like they’re only receiving criticism. In
this lifetime, our marriage is a probationary marriage. We have to work to
qualify for a celestial and everlasting marriage like unto the marriage God
Himself enjoys. You’re not going to have your spouse eternally unless at the
end of the probation they decide they want to have you.
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| Third : Our Relationship With Our Children |
The third prioritized relationship
is with our children. When I was very small, my father used to take me out on
Daddy-Daughter dates. I loved this special one-on-one time with him where I
could have his undivided attention on just me so I could talk to him about whatever
I wanted. It made me feel connected to him. Children need these connections,
although they may not always be expressive in showing these needs or outgoing
in their efforts to reach out for them. Parents need to be a part of their
children’s lives and know what’s happening.
So how do we strengthen our
families? Elder M. Russell Ballard voiced the same question in his talk “What
Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest”, and then offered these three simple
suggestions to help answer the question he posed:
1. “Be
consistent in holding daily family prayer and weekly family home evenings. Both
of these invite the Lord’s Spirit, which provides the help and power we need as
parents and family leaders…
2. Teach
the gospel and basic values in your home. Establish a love for reading the
scriptures together… Be wise and do not involve children or yourselves in so
many activities out of the home that you are so busy that the Spirit of the
Lord cannot be recognized or felt in giving you the promised guidance for
yourself and your family. Create meaningful family bonds that will give your children an identity stronger than what they can find with their peer group or at school or anyplace else..."
My family was also strengthened by
doing things together. They never had to be big things. Working on our family
garden, flying kites together, going camping, or washing the dishes together as
we told ridiculous stories and laughed over them are just a few of many
examples of things that have strengthened our family bonds.
We can also strengthen our families
by bringing the Spirit of the Lord into our home through the teaching of the
gospel.
“(Our children) could be led away
if they don't understand their part in the plan... Teach them so they don't
misunderstand.” Make sure “that every doctrine, every principle, everything
you're teaching leads them to the fullness of the gospel.” - Sister Julie B.
Beck
This may sound more difficult than
it really is. It can be achieved through small things, such as setting aside
time to have Family Home Evening together. When I was growing up, we hardly
ever held Family Home Evening, and when we did it seemed more like a family
lecture time than anything else. Make sure that when you reserve the time for
Family Home Evening, you are reserving it to teach the gospel to your family.
Elder M. Russell Ballard said that “Too many of our parents are abdicating this
responsibility to the church. While seminary, auxiliaries, and priesthood
quorums are important as a supplement to parental gospel instruction, the main
responsibility rests in the home. You might want to choose one gospel subject
or a family value and then watch for opportunities to teach it.” He also added “The
church curriculum and magazines have many good ideas for family home evening.
Also consider holding a family testimony meeting where parents and children can
express their beliefs and feelings to each other in a private and personal
setting.”
While I was receiving knowledge of
the gospel in seminary throughout high school, there was an absence of that
Spirit in our own home due to the negligence on our part in making Family Home
Evening, scripture study, family prayer, or any other activity that invited the
Spirit into our home a priority. After my parent’s divorce, however, my family
started doing them more together, and the Spirit began to dwell in our home.
When striving to teach the gospel
in their home, families should also take the time to study the scriptures
together regularly so that they can learn and follow the teachings of the Lord.
“I feel certain that if, in our
homes parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both
by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come
to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will
increase, mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit
of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love
and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to that counsel.
Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity – the pure love of Christ
– will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and
happiness.” - Elder Marion G. Romney
President Ezra Taft Benson also
taught that “There is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your
lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater
power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You
will find the power to stay on the straight and narrow path. The scriptures are
called “the words of life”, and nowhere is that more true than it is of the
Book of Mormon. When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will
find life in greater and greater abundance. These promises – increased love in
the home, greater respect between parent and child, increased spirituality and
righteousness – these are not idle promises, but exactly what the Prophet
Joseph Smith meant when he said the Book of Mormon will help us draw nearer to
God.”
After the divorce, I was able to
see the blessings that came into our home through having family scripture study
and I was able to receive my own testimony to know that our efforts to bring
the Spirit into our own home are greatly blessed by our getting up each morning
to study the scriptures together, especially when we are consistent at it.
I testify that the family is
absolutely sacred and essential to the gospel, and that as we grow to
understand what it is that we are defending, establish our family relations as
a priority in our lives, continually strive to strengthen our families, and
invite the Spirit into our home through the teaching of the gospel to our
children, we and our families will be able to withstand the attacks of the
adversary on our family and be richly blessed by the Lord. In the name of our
Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, Amen.
